Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
