Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
