Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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