i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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