these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
