Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
