I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
