I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
