I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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