My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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