I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
