i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
