yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
