don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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