just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
