I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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