i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
