sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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