You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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