Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
