At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
