oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
