Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
