Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
