How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
