My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You need a sexual gate keeper
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize