we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
