After last night, I could never be a politician.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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