Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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