you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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