Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
