Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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