You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
