what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like iHOP with fire
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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