I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i was born a porn star she said
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
