I want you more than these girls want KFC
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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