I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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