I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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