just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
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