how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
