New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
