Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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