So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
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The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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