She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
its not stalking. its research.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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