either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
