Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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