that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Help. Why am I so naked?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
