No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
