Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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