exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
