How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
