What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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