Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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