Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
