hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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