Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
