i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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