If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
