God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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