Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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