just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
