Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
