things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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